Psalm 44
For the choir director: A psalm of the descendants of Korah.
1 O God, we have heard it with our own ears--
our ancestors have told us of all you did in other days,
in days long ago:
2 You drove out the pagan nations
and gave all the land to our ancestors; you crushed their enemies,
setting our ancestors free.
3 They did not conquer the land with their swords;
it was not their own strength that gave them victory. It was by your mighty power that they succeeded;
it was because you favored them and smiled on them.
4 You are my King and my God.
You command victories for your people.[a]
5 Only by your power can we push back our enemies;
only in your name can we trample our foes.
6 I do not trust my bow;
I do not count on my sword to save me.
7 It is you who gives us victory over our enemies;
it is you who humbles those who hate us.
8 O God, we give glory to you all day long
and constantly praise your name.
Man! It’s so obvious that God is for us (Romans). It’s recorded in the Bible countless times how God delivered His people from famine and their enemies. With His breath, God can destroy armies of thousands-shoot! He sent a flood to wash away sin (so why wouldn't He be able to destroy my sin?), and yet, here we are, still wondering why God isn’t helping “me” today. We ask over and over why we can’t have this or that, why we still aren’t feeling any better, and why we are so alone. The problem: our “askings” are surrounded with disbelief. I believe that the Bible is true, that Jesus healed the sick and rose from the dead, yet even as I ask Him for things in my life, I don’t actually believe. I have even closed off my heart to those around me who love me and simply want to bless me.
Why do our hearts fear love? Why do we push it out? …SIN?....
Hmmmm. So lately, I’ve basically really sucked with trusting God and trusting others. I’ve closed off to love and to the belief that God has created me unique and designed me with a HUGE purpose in mind. Well, I don’t now about anyone else, but when this happens, I feel so alone and worthless. But there is a really big problem with this “closing off from God” thingy. When I don’t accept His love, my heart begins to transform into a really ugly monster.
After a couple of weeks of this, my prayers have become self-centered, my heart has become selfish, and my motives have changed from a servants heart-trying to love God’s children-into “it’s all about me” yucky thoughts. All of which add up to one REALLY GROSS HEART—filled with sin.
All of a sudden, I have been dealing with: selfishness, bitterness, anxiety, pride, and disbelief. All because I’ve excused my existence far away from God’s truth and love. Stupid me.
So, I know that God will destroy our enemies….but I can’t say that I’ve had armies after me and my family, trying to kill me. However, I can say that sin has been trying to consume my thoughts-stealing them away from God. And exactly at this moment, I am recognizing that just as God is bigger than any army, He is also bigger than any of my sin. And I am sorry, God.
Change my heart.
God is faithful. It’s no secret, I’ve been through this before with the same sin. And He has always overcome it in my life. Sin stops us from doing things His way. It’s kind of weird that all of this sin stuff crept in during a time where I was walking in many of God’s blessings-life was really good when I focused on Him and not on the worldly things happening around me. I think pride got the best of me→ and I tried to hide from it instead of giving it up immediately to God. I know what it was, but I had decided to take care of it myself—keeping my distance from God and the people He’s been trying to use in my life. Well, the distance thing worked—and here I am, shivering in the cold. But not for long. For God has given me a new song, so to speak, and I am once again singing praises to Him—everyday, humbly approaching Him, asking for His strength against the deceit that I’ve believed lately and protection from a prideful heart and selfishness. But I have to do my part as well. I need to whip this selfish heart back into shape and start to give and encourage those around me.
God is SOOO good to me. He hasn’t left me yet—and I am happy to say that He never will, just as He has promised time and time again.
All battles of sin are overcome by My King’s Victory!
