Welcome To: TheNoThanks-I.Don'tNeedyourAdvice.com I Think I'll Ask A Real Person. (no)Thanks.
August 30, 2006 - Wednesday
Current mood: hungry
Well, its true, I have been married 11 months!~that is this Friday, September 1st.
How many of you have heard of The Nest.com or TheKnot.com? The knot.com is a website where brides-to-be can sign up and get helpful (of course not helpful for me) little tips for planning their wedding, how to register for gifts, and all the rules to being etiquette and stuff. The site also provides you with a bunch of to-do lists~always fun. Uh, and that was purely sarcastic. I gave up on this sight pretty quickly, cuz apparently I, Heather, am far from being anywhere near etiquette, and also too poor to follow etiquettes budget. I am so blessed by all the support that Josh and I received during the wedding. So many people put their gifts and passions and time into creating a beautiful wedding and reception! Our church is overflowing with wonderful and beautiful people! I swear we have every thing that a bride would need to create the wedding of her dreams!
But, this isnt the point. Im just ramblingsorry (**bashfully smiles**okay, not really, but I always picture bashful as a cute and cuddly faceand I want to have a cute face day, even if yall are just having to pretend my face is cute and cuddly).
THE POINT (for crying out loud! What would I do without parentheses?)
So once you are married, Theknot.com becomes Thenest.comlovely transformation, reallyand starts sending these obnoxious newsletters about how to make your marriage lastmaybe it should transform again into TheobnoxiousPsychiatrist-ButNotreally.com or TheworstHorriscope-4yourMarriage.com. Really, just some suggestions. Who knows, maybe theyll catch on and I could become famous?
This is the crap I just recently received:
Happy 11month-aversary!!
Dear heather & Joshua,
If you haven't noticed yet, the first year of marriage isn't all peaches and cream. Don't worry, it's normal. Beginning a new life together as husband and wife is a major adjustment. Disagreements are inevitable, but long, drawn-out grudge matches shouldn't be. The trick is knowing when to argue and when to let it go without resentment. When fights do happen, move on to making up with our handy tips.
Signed,
The Nest.
*Oh, you shouldnt have! Thanks so much for your concern! I mean, how did you totally not know that my marriage is actually STRAWBERRIES and CREAM????? GOSH! These stupid newsletters might be really scaring the crap out of couples!
My marriage has been very blessed by God. Of course I know that people fight and have disagreements in marriages (even with God around). But just for the record, Josh and I have never actually been in a fight.
So, Im going to offer a penny and a half (that ironically cost the mint 5 and ½ pennies to make) of cents to why I think Josh and I dont fight. Disagree, yes, from time to time, but its rare and isnt anything worth grudging about. (ooh! Cool verb~filled with bloody action, I might add cuz grudges are bad!)
Instead Of Fighting:
Ladies: If he says something that hurts you~perhaps in a tone of voice, a certain look, you know, all of those non-verbal cues that are screaming way louder than his words~
..1. Dont ASSUME (hes mad, he hates me, hes bored, not listening): Chances are if you assume something and respond from your conclusion that you derived from your assumption (DEEP!) (Im DEEP!!) then chances are youll be responding out of emotion more than from a more rational approach: Be honest on what exactly just hurt you and ask him to be clear. Perhaps he assumptioned (newVERB) wrong and was reacting to the way you said something, or like my husband, was just responding while mumbling, or focused on taking his shoes off, and always in a monotone voice that almost always expresses dis-interest (probably the wrong pre-fix).
..2. Even as much as you want to hurt him/her back, just keep your mouth shut! Calmly back off and take a breather. The moment you say something hurtful, youve lost success, and have only caused a wound. Angry words will not encourage a healthy reconciliation, but merely hurt the other persons trust and their heart AGAINST you. You will create a horrible barrier between the two of you that will stick around a lot longer than the actual fight lasts. Do not turn it into a fight of you always do this to me, or remember the time when you also did this?~BAD. Very BAD to do. Keep it focused on the real issue. Never bring into the argument other issues also. Save those to talk about later, during a non-confrontational moment--and don't blame. Express your concern, not your anger.
..3. Plain and simple: If you hurt a persons feelings (even if you think it shouldnt have hurt them or that they deserved it) plain and simple, you are guilty of hurting anothers feelings. You need to take responsibility and apologize. YOU are ALWAYS responsible for your words and for your actions. No one can make you say this or make you do that. You did, your fault, your problem, you fix it.
**In a marriage, I truly believe that its not about compromising with each other. Because thats still a selfish heart: Ill do this for you as to make sure I get what I WANT. Marriage should always be about SERVING. And yes, my dear readers, thats the hardest thing to do. But it does something BEAUTIFUL within your heart, soul, and within the heart of your spouse, family, and friends.
That rule Do unto others what you would have them do to you isnt about good and bad karma (what goes around, comes around) or to ensure you that you get what you want back from people, but its directed at your heart and being kind and loving towards all. Does UNSELFISH ring a bell? Jesus said not only to love your neighbors, but to also love your enemies. I doubt that your enemies will love you back, though. So the moral of this blogy (so it rhymes with story) Give and Love without expecting ANYTHING (even getting your way) in return. Thats true love~~utterly unconditional!
Current mood: hungry
Well, its true, I have been married 11 months!~that is this Friday, September 1st.
How many of you have heard of The Nest.com or TheKnot.com? The knot.com is a website where brides-to-be can sign up and get helpful (of course not helpful for me) little tips for planning their wedding, how to register for gifts, and all the rules to being etiquette and stuff. The site also provides you with a bunch of to-do lists~always fun. Uh, and that was purely sarcastic. I gave up on this sight pretty quickly, cuz apparently I, Heather, am far from being anywhere near etiquette, and also too poor to follow etiquettes budget. I am so blessed by all the support that Josh and I received during the wedding. So many people put their gifts and passions and time into creating a beautiful wedding and reception! Our church is overflowing with wonderful and beautiful people! I swear we have every thing that a bride would need to create the wedding of her dreams!
But, this isnt the point. Im just ramblingsorry (**bashfully smiles**okay, not really, but I always picture bashful as a cute and cuddly faceand I want to have a cute face day, even if yall are just having to pretend my face is cute and cuddly).
THE POINT (for crying out loud! What would I do without parentheses?)
So once you are married, Theknot.com becomes Thenest.comlovely transformation, reallyand starts sending these obnoxious newsletters about how to make your marriage lastmaybe it should transform again into TheobnoxiousPsychiatrist-ButNotreally.com or TheworstHorriscope-4yourMarriage.com. Really, just some suggestions. Who knows, maybe theyll catch on and I could become famous?
This is the crap I just recently received:
Happy 11month-aversary!!
Dear heather & Joshua,
If you haven't noticed yet, the first year of marriage isn't all peaches and cream. Don't worry, it's normal. Beginning a new life together as husband and wife is a major adjustment. Disagreements are inevitable, but long, drawn-out grudge matches shouldn't be. The trick is knowing when to argue and when to let it go without resentment. When fights do happen, move on to making up with our handy tips.
Signed,
The Nest.
*Oh, you shouldnt have! Thanks so much for your concern! I mean, how did you totally not know that my marriage is actually STRAWBERRIES and CREAM????? GOSH! These stupid newsletters might be really scaring the crap out of couples!
My marriage has been very blessed by God. Of course I know that people fight and have disagreements in marriages (even with God around). But just for the record, Josh and I have never actually been in a fight.
So, Im going to offer a penny and a half (that ironically cost the mint 5 and ½ pennies to make) of cents to why I think Josh and I dont fight. Disagree, yes, from time to time, but its rare and isnt anything worth grudging about. (ooh! Cool verb~filled with bloody action, I might add cuz grudges are bad!)
Instead Of Fighting:
Ladies: If he says something that hurts you~perhaps in a tone of voice, a certain look, you know, all of those non-verbal cues that are screaming way louder than his words~
..1. Dont ASSUME (hes mad, he hates me, hes bored, not listening): Chances are if you assume something and respond from your conclusion that you derived from your assumption (DEEP!) (Im DEEP!!) then chances are youll be responding out of emotion more than from a more rational approach: Be honest on what exactly just hurt you and ask him to be clear. Perhaps he assumptioned (newVERB) wrong and was reacting to the way you said something, or like my husband, was just responding while mumbling, or focused on taking his shoes off, and always in a monotone voice that almost always expresses dis-interest (probably the wrong pre-fix).
..2. Even as much as you want to hurt him/her back, just keep your mouth shut! Calmly back off and take a breather. The moment you say something hurtful, youve lost success, and have only caused a wound. Angry words will not encourage a healthy reconciliation, but merely hurt the other persons trust and their heart AGAINST you. You will create a horrible barrier between the two of you that will stick around a lot longer than the actual fight lasts. Do not turn it into a fight of you always do this to me, or remember the time when you also did this?~BAD. Very BAD to do. Keep it focused on the real issue. Never bring into the argument other issues also. Save those to talk about later, during a non-confrontational moment--and don't blame. Express your concern, not your anger.
..3. Plain and simple: If you hurt a persons feelings (even if you think it shouldnt have hurt them or that they deserved it) plain and simple, you are guilty of hurting anothers feelings. You need to take responsibility and apologize. YOU are ALWAYS responsible for your words and for your actions. No one can make you say this or make you do that. You did, your fault, your problem, you fix it.
**In a marriage, I truly believe that its not about compromising with each other. Because thats still a selfish heart: Ill do this for you as to make sure I get what I WANT. Marriage should always be about SERVING. And yes, my dear readers, thats the hardest thing to do. But it does something BEAUTIFUL within your heart, soul, and within the heart of your spouse, family, and friends.
That rule Do unto others what you would have them do to you isnt about good and bad karma (what goes around, comes around) or to ensure you that you get what you want back from people, but its directed at your heart and being kind and loving towards all. Does UNSELFISH ring a bell? Jesus said not only to love your neighbors, but to also love your enemies. I doubt that your enemies will love you back, though. So the moral of this blogy (so it rhymes with story) Give and Love without expecting ANYTHING (even getting your way) in return. Thats true love~~utterly unconditional!
posted by Heather | Wednesday, September 12, 2007
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