I'm Spiritually and Emotionally Challenged. Are You?

So I flipped through my Bible to Isaiah and read Isaiah 43…which is so powerful! It's so hard to think that God loves like that... and that He loves you and I like that. How undeserving that is...but even that's hard to understand! Undeserving? What does that mean? I think a lot of Christians can easily get caught up in kind of a " middle-ground" of sorts when it comes to knowing how undeserving they really are, because they can't even imagine or comprehend at how passionately and how FIERCELY God loves us. He loves us as much as Jesus…actually, He loves us even more, because He sent His Son to die so that we wouldn’t have to. AND even crazier is that Jesus was God in a body like ours, (it’s the “trinity” (God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, three in One) thing→kind of more of a faith thing than a brain-comprehending thing)So, I think on that middle ground, it's easy for Christians to stop exploring and stop trying to understand God’s way of Loving, mostly because we're all too selfish and lazy to even TRY to love like Him (blamelessly, mercifully, compassionately, tenderheartedly,...and COMPLETELY).

God has truly called us to do something amazing. But until we can understand what God means when He says, in Isaiah 43:

"1. But now, O Israel [which is us now also], the LORD who created you says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. 2. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. 3. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." …And when He says...
"But you are my witnesses, O Israel!" says the LORD. "And you are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God; there never has been and never will be. 11. I am the LORD, and there is no other Savior. 12. First I predicted your deliverance; I declared what I would do, and then I did it--I saved you. No foreign god has ever done this before. You are witnesses that I am the only God," says the LORD. 13. "From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can oppose what I do. No one can reverse my actions."

...Until we can understand His love, how can we understand how undeserving we are...and visa versa...

And so, after the first and MOST important commandment, " Love the Lord your God with all your of your heart, soul and mind ...", His second one is about loving others as yourself. So to begin to start understanding how God loves us, we have to start loving like Him. Little steps become bigger and bigger, perhaps starting by loving that family member of yours who may have hurt you tremendously in the past, then by learning to love a homeless person who comes to your work who smells so bad that you're fighting vomiting (that's a true reality at my job...and shamefully I haven't loved that person) to when all of a sudden, with God's strength and a deeper and more fulfilling understanding of His love, you can begin to learn what it means to love like God. Mother Theresa mercifully showed us all.

And now I'm scratching my head, trying to think of where I was going with this....except, I DO KNOW that billions are faithful and love like God does...and I know that their love, more than likely, is rejected and judged, and if it isn't being turned against them right now, it most likely will be and eventually as they gain a greater understanding and more revelations from God about what's happening in the lives around them, people will hurt them back out of deceit and out of hearts that have hurt for so long because they have never been truly given to God faithfully.

Sadly, so many people turn away from even a hope of there being a real God, because they have been so called, "loved," by bad and horrible people, or simply because, perhaps, not a single soul has EVER told them just how precious they really are-->maybe the phrase "I love you" has been hidden from theirs ears from every single person they have met. But, with so many people who are out in the world, loving like God, loving endlessly, constantly fighting for God's children, constantly praying for those around them, I know that they are always reminding people that they are loved, and God shines bright and His Words of Life will meet those broken hearts.

And tonight I am struck with hope. I want to understand God more. I want to believe more and build my faith. I am weak and do not love like God. And that is why I struggle and fail to realize how much I am loved by the one, true God, my creator, who designed me with His purpose in mind, who will continue to do His good work through me, even when I mess up.
I have failed tremendously and haven’t believed that I am “undeserving,” because I have aimlessly wandered middle ground, not willing to give up being comfortable and to give selflessly to those in need. I’ve only given the bare minimal, leaving plenty for myself afterward.

And here I am, repenting to my Lord and Savior, for what a horrible example I’ve shown, and what a fool I’ve made out of my faith.

I admit that I am scared to talk to strangers, and I am uncomfortable around people who smell. I need strength.

This should be a daily prayer for myself. God says to come and ask Him…
“2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” James 1

James is really humbling, actually. In fact, here’s how we’re supposed to treat the poor (and smelly).
“1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. 2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?”

Wow. God’s is really trying to get to me. I pray that I learn from it.

Good night.