Ephesians 3:12
"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Whoa! I need help, STAT!! My attitude is just not that good. And I keep fighting God on it, well, more like I’m just not going to Him for help, because I see so many “impossibles” that I’m too foolish to believe that God can help me.
Diagnosis: a tired and tormented heart, fearful of not being a good mommy to my two brand new sons (official for only 2 months now), frightened that I might not be able to really LOVE them the same “Way” as most other moms do. Why? Cuz it seems that I’m missing a huge part in the understanding that most moms have.
The “WAY”(well, best described from my out-sider’s point of view): I see tons of other moms with their child(ren) every day. They have that excited look in their eyes and huge smiles on their faces when they see their offspring after the 6 hours that they have been in school. I, on the other hand feel a huge sigh, not of relief, but more like when you just work, work, work and are tired and know that there is no rest anywhere near in sight.
**IMPORTANT** I really hope you aren’t getting the VERY wrong impression that I don’t love my new children. I Totally love my boys! It just seems so different to me than the way I see other moms. Maybe it’s just satan telling me over and over how awful I am….But whether it’s a lie or the truth, it seems like something is very wrong and I feel miserable for the “way” I don’t “feel.”
What to do?
Well, I keep praying. Today, right before starting this blog entry, I thanked God that He is Creator and Healer. I thanked Him for His love and guidance. I thanked Him for my boys and then I apologized for my frustrated, unbelieving heart tormented with the fear that even God, the One who created me, couldn’t fix all the sorrow and grief that I feel in my heart. I asked for His forgiveness for my doubting heart that keeps pushing itself into believing that I am and will continue to be a horrible mommy and that I shouldn’t even think twice about having a child of my own with Josh.
I know these thoughts grieve God, especially because He was the One who designed this wonderful marriage between Josh and I, calling me to be a wife, and a MOTHER to two young boys who have been without one for so long.
Raising kids is hard, I understand. But I just really need God’s help in my heart.
That is my prayer.
"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Whoa! I need help, STAT!! My attitude is just not that good. And I keep fighting God on it, well, more like I’m just not going to Him for help, because I see so many “impossibles” that I’m too foolish to believe that God can help me.
Diagnosis: a tired and tormented heart, fearful of not being a good mommy to my two brand new sons (official for only 2 months now), frightened that I might not be able to really LOVE them the same “Way” as most other moms do. Why? Cuz it seems that I’m missing a huge part in the understanding that most moms have.
The “WAY”(well, best described from my out-sider’s point of view): I see tons of other moms with their child(ren) every day. They have that excited look in their eyes and huge smiles on their faces when they see their offspring after the 6 hours that they have been in school. I, on the other hand feel a huge sigh, not of relief, but more like when you just work, work, work and are tired and know that there is no rest anywhere near in sight.
**IMPORTANT** I really hope you aren’t getting the VERY wrong impression that I don’t love my new children. I Totally love my boys! It just seems so different to me than the way I see other moms. Maybe it’s just satan telling me over and over how awful I am….But whether it’s a lie or the truth, it seems like something is very wrong and I feel miserable for the “way” I don’t “feel.”
What to do?
Well, I keep praying. Today, right before starting this blog entry, I thanked God that He is Creator and Healer. I thanked Him for His love and guidance. I thanked Him for my boys and then I apologized for my frustrated, unbelieving heart tormented with the fear that even God, the One who created me, couldn’t fix all the sorrow and grief that I feel in my heart. I asked for His forgiveness for my doubting heart that keeps pushing itself into believing that I am and will continue to be a horrible mommy and that I shouldn’t even think twice about having a child of my own with Josh.
I know these thoughts grieve God, especially because He was the One who designed this wonderful marriage between Josh and I, calling me to be a wife, and a MOTHER to two young boys who have been without one for so long.
Raising kids is hard, I understand. But I just really need God’s help in my heart.
That is my prayer.
posted by Heather | Wednesday, December 07, 2005
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