I really, REALLY don't like to cry...
You ever want to cry, and yet, not really?
I really, REALLY don't like to cry--Perhaps you've heard? (haha->or like maybe you just read it in the title...My humor is so awesome...)
From the moment that I woke up, I had this terrible need to cry hanging over me Sunday morning. This overwhelming emotion cloud, thingy, hung over my head up until an hour after church let out, and I feared a down pour every second of the storm. I pretty much felt like I was about to have an enormous break down without my permission. YIKES!
So, instead of giving into the tears that lingered in the corner of my eyes, I ignored my dampened eyelashes and wrote the "heck" out of my journal. Man! I was a writing machine, let me tell ya! My plan worked. By keeping myself totally occupied writing, those annoying little tears never preceeded further than the edge of my eye. I had a breakdown in church once this last summer, and it was totally embarrassing. I burried my face in my hands and frantically left my seat and ran to the bathroom. My friend followed me and asked me what was wrong (I was actually sobbing). I took a deep breath in between my sobs and started to laugh, telling her I had no idea to why I was crying. So, this Sunday, I totally wanted to avoid re-living that moment.
I was trying to talk to my friend about hope Saturday night, but it wasn't coming out the way I wanted it-needless to say, in my opinion, my end of the conversation amounted to nothing more than jibberish.{wow! what a weird word to spell. You should try saying "weird word" a million times in a row and see if you can make it past saying it right after five times. Go ahead, try it. Here...I'll wait....No! Just kidding! I won't wait, cuz this is a blog. A glob, uh, blog is meant for writing and sharing. If I waited for you to say "weird word" a million times, then it would be "waiting"-not "blogging"}
Also, don't get any ideas that I only have one friend. I should have said, or wrote, "I was trying to talk to ONE of my friends..."
Anyways, here we go with the short stories made long thing. **refer to last blog entry**
So, the whole "hope" thing wasn't coming out right when I talked to him Saturday night, but yesterday in church, God told me that I failed to mention what He had told me about hope. So busy, busy, busy--I wrote and wrote and wrote some more. Then I wrote to a wonderful woman in my church about how much she blesses the people around her. But I still felt like I was going to burst into tears. What to do? Hmmm...WRITE MORE!
And so I did...
~A Love Forgotten~
Ahh!! They Just don’t believe, my Lord!...
You hear their cries;
You hear them asking-
How do You do it?
How do You reach your children?
They turn away from You,
And they miss Your touch.
They are deceived and
Believe that they are finally out of Your reach.
Why do they sigh in relief?
Because they think that
To be out of Your Presence
Will shield them from finding disappointment with You.
Lies! Lies! These lies are stealing them away!
Your flock is tired and
They won’t reach out to You,
For they themselves are
Falling away due to guilt—They fail to hope!
They aren’t believing anymore! Did they ever?
Renew us, my Dear Lord!
Help me to be on guard for Your beloved.
Put me on the front line of this war.
Keep me strong…
The world doesn’t believe in love.
Why?
Because Your own children don’t believe that they are loved.
Does anyone else think this to be true? I think this poem might be onto something here. Not that I am so perfect as to not have messed a message from God up, but I think God is concerned for His church. Why can't we see that He loves us? Why are we humans so resistant?...!!!
And then I wrote this poem about how frustrated I was that felt like I was going to break down into tears and didn't even know why. I, believe it or not, felt fine. No need for tears about my life.
~From Whom Do These Tears Fall?~
Put these emotions into good use, Lord!
I fear these tears-
I don’t even recognize their cause!
They are not free to fall!
I don’t want to give in!
But if I hold them back-Does it hinder You in my life?
Please speak to me about these strangers,
For these tears, I don’t believe, are my own.
To whom do these tears belong?
Whose are they, Lord?
Yours?
A brother’s?
A sister’s?
…Your children’s?
Are You hurting over Your children?
…Lord, I love You.
God bless.
I really, REALLY don't like to cry--Perhaps you've heard? (haha->or like maybe you just read it in the title...My humor is so awesome...)
From the moment that I woke up, I had this terrible need to cry hanging over me Sunday morning. This overwhelming emotion cloud, thingy, hung over my head up until an hour after church let out, and I feared a down pour every second of the storm. I pretty much felt like I was about to have an enormous break down without my permission. YIKES!
So, instead of giving into the tears that lingered in the corner of my eyes, I ignored my dampened eyelashes and wrote the "heck" out of my journal. Man! I was a writing machine, let me tell ya! My plan worked. By keeping myself totally occupied writing, those annoying little tears never preceeded further than the edge of my eye. I had a breakdown in church once this last summer, and it was totally embarrassing. I burried my face in my hands and frantically left my seat and ran to the bathroom. My friend followed me and asked me what was wrong (I was actually sobbing). I took a deep breath in between my sobs and started to laugh, telling her I had no idea to why I was crying. So, this Sunday, I totally wanted to avoid re-living that moment.
I was trying to talk to my friend about hope Saturday night, but it wasn't coming out the way I wanted it-needless to say, in my opinion, my end of the conversation amounted to nothing more than jibberish.{wow! what a weird word to spell. You should try saying "weird word" a million times in a row and see if you can make it past saying it right after five times. Go ahead, try it. Here...I'll wait....No! Just kidding! I won't wait, cuz this is a blog. A glob, uh, blog is meant for writing and sharing. If I waited for you to say "weird word" a million times, then it would be "waiting"-not "blogging"}
Also, don't get any ideas that I only have one friend. I should have said, or wrote, "I was trying to talk to ONE of my friends..."
Anyways, here we go with the short stories made long thing. **refer to last blog entry**
So, the whole "hope" thing wasn't coming out right when I talked to him Saturday night, but yesterday in church, God told me that I failed to mention what He had told me about hope. So busy, busy, busy--I wrote and wrote and wrote some more. Then I wrote to a wonderful woman in my church about how much she blesses the people around her. But I still felt like I was going to burst into tears. What to do? Hmmm...WRITE MORE!
And so I did...
~A Love Forgotten~
Ahh!! They Just don’t believe, my Lord!...
You hear their cries;
You hear them asking-
How do You do it?
How do You reach your children?
They turn away from You,
And they miss Your touch.
They are deceived and
Believe that they are finally out of Your reach.
Why do they sigh in relief?
Because they think that
To be out of Your Presence
Will shield them from finding disappointment with You.
Lies! Lies! These lies are stealing them away!
Your flock is tired and
They won’t reach out to You,
For they themselves are
Falling away due to guilt—They fail to hope!
They aren’t believing anymore! Did they ever?
Renew us, my Dear Lord!
Help me to be on guard for Your beloved.
Put me on the front line of this war.
Keep me strong…
The world doesn’t believe in love.
Why?
Because Your own children don’t believe that they are loved.
Does anyone else think this to be true? I think this poem might be onto something here. Not that I am so perfect as to not have messed a message from God up, but I think God is concerned for His church. Why can't we see that He loves us? Why are we humans so resistant?...!!!
And then I wrote this poem about how frustrated I was that felt like I was going to break down into tears and didn't even know why. I, believe it or not, felt fine. No need for tears about my life.
~From Whom Do These Tears Fall?~
Put these emotions into good use, Lord!
I fear these tears-
I don’t even recognize their cause!
They are not free to fall!
I don’t want to give in!
But if I hold them back-Does it hinder You in my life?
Please speak to me about these strangers,
For these tears, I don’t believe, are my own.
To whom do these tears belong?
Whose are they, Lord?
Yours?
A brother’s?
A sister’s?
…Your children’s?
Are You hurting over Your children?
…Lord, I love You.
God bless.
posted by Heather | Monday, March 07, 2005
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